If it's been 10 years since the death, then you are stuck in a mourning period that you need to resolve.
There are a ton of groups out there to help you with your grieving. Funeral homes, Compassionate Friends, your local church, YMCA, the list goes on and on.
I have lost many friends and relatives during my lifetime and I can tell you the hardest ones that I had to get through was when my step-son died and when my dad died. Those about crushed me.
However, life goes on. I did not want to be stuck forever in a mourning period. It's not good to wallow in this grief, never throwing anything out that belonged to them, never moving forward, never allowing anyone new to come into my life because I felt it would be a betrayal.
Recognizing that you need help is good, but it shouldn't stop there. Reach out and get yourself into a grief counseling group or go for private counseling. You will be glad you did this for yourself. Good luck.
