My guess is that it is a combination of both. You need to go to Al-anon meetings. Al-anon is associated with AA and is a Godsend for the families of alcoholics. In their literature you will see story after story just like the way you are describing your husband. Alcoholics have set patterns that are very similar. They can be very charming one minute then cruel and hatefull the next. Alcohol also lowers their moral values and makes them justify cheating on their spouses. I think these men are really very dependant on their wives and resent them at some level for being the strong one. You need help to deal with this and Al-anon will get you that help. Most alcoholics will not curb their drinking for a spouse. Sorry. Interventions rarely work unless it is a boss or the children. Look in the phone book under AA and give them a call, ASAP.
